Mixing things up and. Paul Chan: 'Curiosity it the pleasure principal of knowledge'

I am a man juggling many balls at present, but that is not what this blog should be about. Or should it?

Invariably the beginning of something is always (overly) exciting: the net can be cast wide. At this stage, there is no problem with jumping from one thing to the next, before converging in later. What kind of brain I have I do not know, and this is not to suggest exceptionalism, but it feels atypical enough. Nevertheless, I have not the least interest in being branded, so to speak. The way important concerns or aspects of human behaviour convert themselves into compulsory fads disturbs me. The inevitable associated righteousness and identity obsessing ruins what could be a useful adjunct to thinking.

A few years ago, at the early stages of a practice-led PhD, I had the opportunity to be tested for dyslexia and other traits. I had long suspected that I am dyslexic, not least because I often make spelling mistokes, but for other reasons too. Then again, every difference of this type will be familiar to most: numerous spectrums across populations, and variations over time for individuals depending on life experiences, are surely to be expected. Who is to say that someone might not wake up 'right brain' and go to bed left, or be prone to one set of characteristics on Mondays, and another when visiting Dublin, or be a visual, auditory, kinaesthetic, (VAK) and whatever the fourth one is, kind of learner all at once, or might decide to retire from learning completely. As a boy I would use 'b's instead of 'd's and vice versa. I remember in primary school, when doing 'the news', a nice writing exercise we were expected to complete each day, that instead of 'This morning', I wrote 'The smorning'. That was probably a Cork thing. One teacher, Mr. O'Shea, or 'Knobber' as he was known to his pupils, used to call us 'the Douglas dunners', because in that part of Cork we would always say 'I done this' and 'I done that', instead of the correct 'I did...'.  There are always colloquial and cultural differences. I was forced to complete somewhat humiliating elocution lessons in that school, but I bet that had something to do with our accents being different, having moved down from north County Cork to the city when I was six.

Anyhow, the outcome of the two-hour appraisal mentioned, carried out by an experienced professional psychologist, was that he could not say I was dyslexic... but, he added that, in his view, I was a genius. Only joking (on the genius thing) but I was off the scale on some of those normal distributions. For one of the exercises on spatial thinking of a sort, I got the highest mark the psychologist had every seen. Once again I wondered whether this was not something to do with my life experience. I had always worked with ways of representing 3D and more abstracted spatial arrangements, in 2D, whether that was obsessing over mechanical and technical drawing in school, or later using 3D modelling and animation tools. Before we started the assessment I had asked the psychologist whether he actually believed in this stuff himself - my PhD was to be about 'intelligence' so the question was of interest to me. He paused, as if taken aback, before answering 'yes'. That pause was telling: I liked it. I also found it amusing, despite my hunch on the subject and the Learning Support people at the university's going along with the probability that I was dyslexic, to have it confirmed, after all these years, that, in fact, I am not. The outcome of this rigorous process did not prevent these same Learning Supporters from pursuing me doggedly afterwards, and repeatedly offering unnecessary services. For a while I could not get them off my back. That too, was telling. Once again, when I look at the descriptions for the common nuerodiversity framing mechanisms, from ADHD, to dyslexia, to dyspraxia, to autism spectrum characteristics, to dyscalculia (well, not that in my case: I specialised in mathematical modelling and computer simulation for years), they all seem applicable and useful in some way. Which is not to dismiss the difficulties some face and the need for support. In the ideal world everyone would be treated as a peculiarity I think, and their descriptors would not be set in stone either. In an ideal world...

So, with shows coming up in Wexford Arts Centre and Highlanes Gallery, Drogheda, I have simultaneously been pointing myself at the Irish midlands, namely: the smaller town of Clara, the larger one of Tullamore, and Co. Offaly generally. The family home is here in Clara, a decaying bungalow being used as part of the Fair Deal scheme which funds my mother's need to be in a care facility. My sister and I are determined to sort that house out now. Tomorrow I leave Clara for a bit, having been encouraged by, and done a lot with the help of, the great JC, and met numerous interesting and very helpful others.